Tuesday, October 10, 2006

94 degrees and $1.97 gas

Last week, I attempted to do something that I don't do very often....that is, nap. The sun had heated this city to a whopping 94 degrees, and I could do nothing but sweat. Since returning from camp, sleep, even on a cool night has not been as restful as it used to be. I used to sleep hard...anytime, anywhere...immersed in the vivid dreams that would visit my closed eyes. I never wanted to wake up before the movie in my head was over and would often force myself to continue the dream...even as I was waking up. But this was not the case now...Not only was I lacking in dreams, but the sleep was not coming either. So I laid in my sweat as my brain rapidly turned through the events in my life.

Romans. I'm currently in an fairly in-depth study of Romans. The concept that has struck me the most is that we can never be righteous. Paul says no one is righteous...one of the speakers at our study said this "We can either be unrighteous under sin or unrighteous under grace." Takes the pressure off of trying so hard to live as "perfectly" as possible. Yes, we as Christians, should be cutting away sinfulness in our lives, but the story goes we're human and we're sinners....no matter what we do to make ourselves more Christ like, we are going to sin. We are going to be unrighteous. So do we let sin hold on to us? Or do we live under grace?

Camp. I think about camp a lot. My first summer there (2002) wasn't really the greatest experience for me. At least on a personal level. I never dreamed that I would return. But I am so glad that I did. God put some people in my life that pushed me in ways that I needed to be pushed. Got a much needed break from city life...spent every day out in the beauty of God's natural creation! And hung out with 32 super cool 1st and 2nd graders. I, like most camp staff, have had a couple of slip ups. One day I was substituting and referred to another teacher as "Aunt Jenny" instead of Ms. Brockmeyer. Another day, the teacher I have been aideing for was reading the Tower of Babel to the kids and I wanted to yell out "tomato, celery, tomato" because that is the "language" that my campers spoke when we acted out that same story (thanks Bethany!) At least now I have facebook (apparently I'm not to old!) to keep me somewhat sane on the camp end.

Job. Or lack of job. I started out doing quite a bit of substituting, but things are really slowing down in that area. I also started working part time for InterVarsity Christian Fellowship as the administrative assistant for the Central Region, the Missouri Area, and the CityLights Urban Project. I am very excited to be an official part of IVCF as it was an important part of my college experience. Some of the people I respect the most are not my colleagues. I always thought it would be so great to work as staff, but never thought I could be campus staff...my gifts just don't quite fit that position. So its cool that I can use my organized (type A) side to serve some of the people that have been pretty significant in my life.

Friends. Hmmm...where have they all gone? My favorite saying recently has been "my old life didn't wait for me" When you are in college, leaving for the summer is not a big deal because everyone leaves for the summer. However, when in the real world...most people stay, and while you are gone, they continue with life. My friends...well some have left...including Jessica...my closest friend. She had this way of making me forget about everything I didnt want to think about just by being around her...but at the same time she was good at being real about the junk in my life. She was the one I would call even when I was just bored so that we could sit in silence on the phone...but really we talked for hours. She was about the only one I would stay up until 4 am with. yuck! Anyway...she's fighting the public school scene up in the cold air of Wisconsin. Which leaves a small void in my life. Other friends have joined new groups of people, or have graduated seminary and moved on. The friendship circle is a little strange....I feel like I'm really a new person in what was once my familiar crowd. And I have waves of missing my old Central friends...Helga, the Rohdes, Justin, Nick and Nick, Sherami, Steph, Kurt...

Somewhere in the middle of all of these thoughts, the heat overtook me and I fell asleep...AND I had one of those dreams that I had not had since I left camp. The unrestful cycle had been broken...I could return what was once familiar. Oh, and when I woke up, Gas was only $1.97!