maven goes to the park

Outlook Not So Good

I remember as a child frequently walking the two blocks to my friend Amber's house where our Saturday afternoons were swallowed up by playing house, school, "Guess Who", all sorts of imagination games, and driving her grandma crazy. Sometimes, usually toward the end of the afternoon, we would run out of things to play so we would pull out the (drumroll please) Magic 8 Ball. The questions we asked it were so silly. "Is so and so the cutest boy in our class?" "Will I get an A on my next test?" Many times the answer was very straightforward. "Yes." or "No." However, the phrase "outlook not so good" would occassionally make its way to the surface. Normally we would just reask the question without even a thought to the meaning of that phrase.

Fifteen years later, that phrase continues to show its face. It smiled in on me not all that long ago when I was lying in bed asking God a whole series of questions about my future (mostly in the job world). This time my questions not so silly. "Will I have a job?" "Will I be a teacher?" "Should I be pursuing something else?" Just as I finished my slew of questions, "Outlook not so good" popped into my head. I almost laughed out loud. Even though I was talking to God, there is no way that is what he was replying to me. For real, when you are walking with God how can the outlook NOT be good? The situation may not be good. MY situation has been hard and scary and has contained a lot of unknowns. But the outlook has never been bad. The Lord has promised to take care of me and He has been MORE than faithful in His promise this past year. YEAH!

on fiances and singleness

My car was made just before they started installing CD players, therefore, I listen to the radio when I'm out driving around. Over this past year, I have slowly fallen in love with Natasha Bedingfield. Her music is an enjoyable mix of hip-hop and pop. Her lyrics are clean and catchy. And her message is powerful! Currently she is most well known for "These Words", which is about finding the best word to say "I love you" and "Unwritten" which speaks to the fact that we have some control over our life and the direction it takes. These are the two songs that got me hooked on her, but I would have to say that "Single" is the song that I like the best.

Ah yeah that's right
All you single people out there
This is for you

I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me
(Cos I'm happy where I am)
Don't depend on a guy to validate me
I don't need to be anyone's baby
(Is that so hard to understand?)
No I don't need another half to make me whole

Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't

[Chorus:]
This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

I'm single
(Right now)
That's how I wanna be
I'm single
(Right now)
That's how I wanna be

Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good
(I like who I am)
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should
(Can't romance on demand)
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood

[Chorus]

Everything in it's right time everything in it's right place
I know I'll settle down one day
But 'til then I like it this way it's my way
Eh I like it this way

Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't
'Til then I'm single

This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

Not only does this song literally say "I don't need a man to validate me", but it also doesn't come across in the extreme feministic "more rights for women" kind of way. It's okay to be single. It's okay to not date. It's okay to want to wait.

Sadly so many women fall into the mindset that they must be with a man to have purpose and meaning to their lives. That they can't be someone without first being WITH someone. So they are constantly going from one boyfriend to another, never single for more than a week, and in the end left feeling more empty than the beginning.

How great it is to see someone in the popular radio world taking a stand...trying to empower women (in a different way) ....to make a statement (even if it is a small one). Too bad this isn't the most popular of her songs on the radio!

On a different note (fiances): I have a former student who is now 6 years old. He attends the school where my roommate currently teaches. Recently some friends had a BBQ where both my roommate and my former student were in attendance. Now this particular student has a problem with remembering big words, but not using them at the appropriate times. The following is a conversation between Tanya (my roommate) and my former student and his mother.

Student: I remember you. You're Ms. Salmond's fiance!
Tanya: Roommate. I'm Ms. Salmond's roommate.
Student's mother: Roommate sweetie. Roommate.
Student: Fiance! Fiance! Fiance! Fiance!

confessions of a twenty-something wanderer

On this rather warm (for April), kind of humid night, I have some confessions to make. Once upon a time, I won this award (2 years in a row) called "Lifelong Learner." Well, my lifetime has only been 24 and a few months, but I'm definately still learnin'. And most recently learnin' some things about myself. Don't laugh too hard...it might hurt.

CONFESSION #1: I own 43 t-shirts. I just discovered that tonight as I finally faced the drawer that doesn't close...hehe...I counted the shirts AND got the drawer to close.

CONFESSION #2: Somehow and at some point, I sneakily became one of those people that consistently forgets to zip up my pants. Either that or the zippers are failing on multiple pairs of my pants. One of these days I'm going to meet the love of my life (or Jamie Cullum) and realize five minutes later that my zipper was down...which, to my horror, is the way it happens each time.

CONFESSION #3: Living with a roommate who is very different from me has opened my eyes to how annoyed I get at little things...like the dishes not being put away in the right place, or the refrigerator not being organized, or not having juice to drink in the morning. Nothing that is wrong, but everything that for some reason bothers me. I think I should win a new award called "Most easily annoyed by stupid stuff".

CONFESSION #4: I can't drink the entire 8 glasses of daily recommended water because then I have to get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. I'm not a morning person, BUT I'm really not a wake-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-just-to-pee person either. In fact sometimes, I don't even open my eyes on the way there.

CONFESSION #5: I really do miss Tulip Time...yes, Centralites...I do. I know, its strange, but I do.

I write this blog today from the local library because the power at my apartment is out. Yep for about 22 hours now. I awoke yesterday from a blissful nap to find that the day had turned wonderfully spring...77 degrees, slight breeze, beautiful! I have been having a bit of car trouble lately so I took my car to a place where they'll do some tests for free...the corrosion on my battery was so bad that when they guy tried to take the piece off (technical terms escape me) it snapped in two. So he put a new one on. You would think this would be easy, but out of no where, the wind picked up and then the tornado sirens went off. The man just said to me "Let me know if you see a tornado" as he continued to work. THAT'S Service! So there we were with the wind whipping trash cans and branches and lightpoles all around us while this nice man tried to finish up my car. Unfortunately, or maybe FORtunately the rain came and we ended up waiting out the storm inside. (Yep just hanging out in a car parts store while the winds whipped through town.) Then he finished only to discover that my battery only had enough juice in it to make back home.

When I arrived home, the power, well, it was out. I have yet to hear any news, but by word-of-mouth (from people who do have power) there were 80 mile hour straight winds and a tornado not really all that far from where I live. And I was standing outside....duh. So here we are 24 hours later...no power...no heat (and its kinda cold out today). BUT we have hot water...so at least I can take a hot shower:) My car is still having issues despite the new battery...what a crazy life.

On another note, spring is here. My friend Jonathan pretty much summed up how I feel about it in his blog.

I will write more later about the rest of life...

I have not blogged in a bit. Life is crazy with CityLights students here. I promise to catch everyone up after they leave. For now, here is a super cute picture of my nephew to tide you over.

through the back door

The blogging world has been a bit foreign to me lately as CityLights, a new job, and a kitchen sanitation certification test have all quickly crept upon me. But people are dying to know about my life. right.

Unfortunately for you visitors of the "fishtank", I am feeling something a little different then the sharing of my life tonight.

I just spent more time than I should have on the phone with a woman who is becoming a dear friend. Yep, that's right, I said a dear friend. Another person for me to get sentimental over. Only this time, the Lord is creating such a unique and strong bond, that I loose track of time when I'm talking with her. (Kind of the same as when I talk with my mom (that's really the truth too mom!)). I remember several months ago, ask God to make my dependence upon Him complete and utter I-can't-live-a-day-without-you-dependence. How does that saying go? Be careful what you ask for? I was stripped of a job...and friends just seemed to be slipping through the cracks. My relationships began changing, and I found myself longing for the times I could slip back into my room, lay on my bed, and tell God what was on my heart and mind.

After about 4 months of that, I began to pray very specifically for good female friends. At the time, I thought that would never happen. That maybe the Lord thought my heart wasn't content enough just with Him. But He brought me three friends...they came in the sneakiest ways. One started with just a simple hug at our church retreat. Another in simply wanting to help a family. And the third....well, she took my job and wanted to ask me a bunch of questions.

Tonight as I write, I just can't get over the goodness of the Lord. How He knew my heart. He knew the timing of the friends I needed. And just when I thought I was at my breaking point, He delivered in the smallest of ways. The ironic thing is that this sort of thing happens every day, but I fail to see it. It's like it has to smack me in the face before I recognize just what is going on. Funny, isn't it.

It's late. CityLights, the new job, and the kitchen sanitation certification test still await me. I promise to write about the new job next time.

a new old one.

Trust.
You tell me to trust.
To be still.
To wait.
To commit.
To trust
NOT
in my own understanding.
You will make me like a mountain
Strong.
Indestructable.
Unwavering.
The dawn, in all it's pinks, purples, and blues
Will radiate from me.
You will allow me to rebuild cities.
To clothe the naked.
Feed the hungry.
Father the fatherless.
Love my neighbor.
But I have to be patient.
I have to be still.
I have to commit.
Your grace is sufficient in my weakness.

jesus with little feet

brown eyes peer over tiny glasses
taking in the colors of the world around.
delicate little fingers touch what is before,
a curiosity that cannot be contained.
when the music dances
so does she.
her purple dress swirling as she bops.
left and right,
her head flys
tossing the hair her momma worked so hard to do.
at music's end
she crawls into the nearest lap,
giving her affection freely.
sometimes that lap belongs to me.
i often wonder just what it is she sees.
she cares not where i've been
and even less about what i've done.
she loves me for who i am.
unsuspecting. unknowing. unintentional.
are the lessons she forces us to learn.

Jesus said "Anyone who will not receive the Kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." Mark 10:15

Long Awaited Cheesy Sweater Party Pictures

Josh and Cliff

Josh and Cliff
Originally uploaded by amanda_salmond.

Learning to play

The air has turned cold again. Ironically, I found myself saying last night "Man, it got cold!" When in reality, two days ago, I should have been saying "Man, it's really warm out!" The Moulin Rouge soundtrack is blaring in the background. I've had breakfast with one mentor-like friend and coffee with another today. It seems the perfect time to sit with a cup of something steaming and blog about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness.

I got really sentimental today. I know. I know. When am I NOT sentimental? It seems that this week has been a particularly extra sentimental week. I tend to be one of those people who allows people of all sorts to imprint upon my life, sometimes within a matter of days. I have a desk with a glass top under which are pictures of people from throughout my life. Little Molly, Joe, and Connor who taught me the importance of play and helped me see the world through the eyes of small, untainted children. My pursuit of a career in early childhood began with a sentimenal recollection of my days with these three. There is a picture of a group of graduates at Central. They were all seniors the year I was a freshman. It was this group of people that finally got me to grasp just what God's love for me meant. There's Betsy who spent at least an hour with me every week. She introduced me to the world of coffee shops, worship, and made me start eating chicken again. My sisters who have, without knowing it, called me out on many of my flaws and made me only want to pursue greatness. There are about 20 other people on my desk that I could continue to reminense about and probably 1,000 others that I could recount.

Most recently I have been thinking about the people at my work. It is okay for me to say that I'm not staying at my company much longer. Not because it's a bad place to work, but because I finally have some direction in my life, and the corporate world just isn't it. The people at work, especially my supervisor and the president (and his wife) have been so gracious with me - keeping me on despite knowing that I'm in pursuit of other things. But it is not them that I refer to with sentiment.

When I first started at the company, I was only supposed to be there 3 weeks; here it is 3 months later. I had a hard time emotionally in the beginning because I felt like I wasn't making a difference, for gosh sakes, I was just answering the phones. And in the beginning I wasn't even doing that great of a job! I was used to running after 13 very small children, wiping their tears and their rear-ends. Being responsible for their daily well-being (at least while in my care). And now all I was responsible for was directing calls...frankly, I almost felt worthless. Then one day, during a company meeting, one employee gave me the "Inspiration Award" which is an award passed from employee to employee when one is inspired by another. This particular man gave it to me because he had noted what a big difference it was to have someone screening and directing their calls, greeting them every morning (with a smile), running around the office searching for them when an important call was on the line, etc. It was unbelievable to me that I could make a difference in my role at this place, but clearly I didn't realize its true importance. Believe it or not, that award made me realize that I could make a work home with this company until I decided what my next path would be.

Now that I am really close to leaving (very close..I can taste it), I have been thinking about the different people at the company and the little ways they have made life fun, different, exciting. There is one guy who makes me laugh just by looking at him. When he gets excited he says "Giddy up!" There is another guy who has moved from a coworker to a friend. He encourages me in my pursuit of educational jobs and teases me relentlessly. I don't know much about where he has come from (in life, that is), but I have a strong feeling that he is one of those people that has had to overcome great odds to be where he is today. People like those are usually quieter inspirations (except the ones that write books about it). They are strong and seem to impact every stranger that blindly walks into even the smallest type of relationship with them. I was definately an unsuspecting stranger in this case.

Some people would say that this is all "sentimental hogwash", but I truely believe that without the experiences, no matter how small or large, with people who walked in and out of my life, I would be a different person. For each impacts a small piece of my heart. And all of those pieces put together makes me, me. So without Joe and Molly and Connor, I may never have learned to play.