On this rather warm (for April), kind of humid night, I have some confessions to make. Once upon a time, I won this award (2 years in a row) called "Lifelong Learner." Well, my lifetime has only been 24 and a few months, but I'm definately still learnin'. And most recently learnin' some things about myself. Don't laugh too hard...it might hurt.
CONFESSION #1: I own 43 t-shirts. I just discovered that tonight as I finally faced the drawer that doesn't close...hehe...I counted the shirts AND got the drawer to close.
CONFESSION #2: Somehow and at some point, I sneakily became one of those people that consistently forgets to zip up my pants. Either that or the zippers are failing on multiple pairs of my pants. One of these days I'm going to meet the love of my life (or Jamie Cullum) and realize five minutes later that my zipper was down...which, to my horror, is the way it happens each time.
CONFESSION #3: Living with a roommate who is very different from me has opened my eyes to how annoyed I get at little things...like the dishes not being put away in the right place, or the refrigerator not being organized, or not having juice to drink in the morning. Nothing that is wrong, but everything that for some reason bothers me. I think I should win a new award called "Most easily annoyed by stupid stuff".
CONFESSION #4: I can't drink the entire 8 glasses of daily recommended water because then I have to get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. I'm not a morning person, BUT I'm really not a wake-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-just-to-pee person either. In fact sometimes, I don't even open my eyes on the way there.
CONFESSION #5: I really do miss Tulip Time...yes, Centralites...I do. I know, its strange, but I do.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Monday, April 03, 2006
I write this blog today from the local library because the power at my apartment is out. Yep for about 22 hours now. I awoke yesterday from a blissful nap to find that the day had turned wonderfully spring...77 degrees, slight breeze, beautiful! I have been having a bit of car trouble lately so I took my car to a place where they'll do some tests for free...the corrosion on my battery was so bad that when they guy tried to take the piece off (technical terms escape me) it snapped in two. So he put a new one on. You would think this would be easy, but out of no where, the wind picked up and then the tornado sirens went off. The man just said to me "Let me know if you see a tornado" as he continued to work. THAT'S Service! So there we were with the wind whipping trash cans and branches and lightpoles all around us while this nice man tried to finish up my car. Unfortunately, or maybe FORtunately the rain came and we ended up waiting out the storm inside. (Yep just hanging out in a car parts store while the winds whipped through town.) Then he finished only to discover that my battery only had enough juice in it to make back home.
When I arrived home, the power, well, it was out. I have yet to hear any news, but by word-of-mouth (from people who do have power) there were 80 mile hour straight winds and a tornado not really all that far from where I live. And I was standing outside....duh. So here we are 24 hours later...no power...no heat (and its kinda cold out today). BUT we have hot water...so at least I can take a hot shower:) My car is still having issues despite the new battery...what a crazy life.
On another note, spring is here. My friend Jonathan pretty much summed up how I feel about it in his blog.
I will write more later about the rest of life...
When I arrived home, the power, well, it was out. I have yet to hear any news, but by word-of-mouth (from people who do have power) there were 80 mile hour straight winds and a tornado not really all that far from where I live. And I was standing outside....duh. So here we are 24 hours later...no power...no heat (and its kinda cold out today). BUT we have hot water...so at least I can take a hot shower:) My car is still having issues despite the new battery...what a crazy life.
On another note, spring is here. My friend Jonathan pretty much summed up how I feel about it in his blog.
I will write more later about the rest of life...
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
through the back door
The blogging world has been a bit foreign to me lately as CityLights, a new job, and a kitchen sanitation certification test have all quickly crept upon me. But people are dying to know about my life. right.
Unfortunately for you visitors of the "fishtank", I am feeling something a little different then the sharing of my life tonight.
I just spent more time than I should have on the phone with a woman who is becoming a dear friend. Yep, that's right, I said a dear friend. Another person for me to get sentimental over. Only this time, the Lord is creating such a unique and strong bond, that I loose track of time when I'm talking with her. (Kind of the same as when I talk with my mom (that's really the truth too mom!)). I remember several months ago, ask God to make my dependence upon Him complete and utter I-can't-live-a-day-without-you-dependence. How does that saying go? Be careful what you ask for? I was stripped of a job...and friends just seemed to be slipping through the cracks. My relationships began changing, and I found myself longing for the times I could slip back into my room, lay on my bed, and tell God what was on my heart and mind.
After about 4 months of that, I began to pray very specifically for good female friends. At the time, I thought that would never happen. That maybe the Lord thought my heart wasn't content enough just with Him. But He brought me three friends...they came in the sneakiest ways. One started with just a simple hug at our church retreat. Another in simply wanting to help a family. And the third....well, she took my job and wanted to ask me a bunch of questions.
Tonight as I write, I just can't get over the goodness of the Lord. How He knew my heart. He knew the timing of the friends I needed. And just when I thought I was at my breaking point, He delivered in the smallest of ways. The ironic thing is that this sort of thing happens every day, but I fail to see it. It's like it has to smack me in the face before I recognize just what is going on. Funny, isn't it.
It's late. CityLights, the new job, and the kitchen sanitation certification test still await me. I promise to write about the new job next time.
Unfortunately for you visitors of the "fishtank", I am feeling something a little different then the sharing of my life tonight.
I just spent more time than I should have on the phone with a woman who is becoming a dear friend. Yep, that's right, I said a dear friend. Another person for me to get sentimental over. Only this time, the Lord is creating such a unique and strong bond, that I loose track of time when I'm talking with her. (Kind of the same as when I talk with my mom (that's really the truth too mom!)). I remember several months ago, ask God to make my dependence upon Him complete and utter I-can't-live-a-day-without-you-dependence. How does that saying go? Be careful what you ask for? I was stripped of a job...and friends just seemed to be slipping through the cracks. My relationships began changing, and I found myself longing for the times I could slip back into my room, lay on my bed, and tell God what was on my heart and mind.
After about 4 months of that, I began to pray very specifically for good female friends. At the time, I thought that would never happen. That maybe the Lord thought my heart wasn't content enough just with Him. But He brought me three friends...they came in the sneakiest ways. One started with just a simple hug at our church retreat. Another in simply wanting to help a family. And the third....well, she took my job and wanted to ask me a bunch of questions.
Tonight as I write, I just can't get over the goodness of the Lord. How He knew my heart. He knew the timing of the friends I needed. And just when I thought I was at my breaking point, He delivered in the smallest of ways. The ironic thing is that this sort of thing happens every day, but I fail to see it. It's like it has to smack me in the face before I recognize just what is going on. Funny, isn't it.
It's late. CityLights, the new job, and the kitchen sanitation certification test still await me. I promise to write about the new job next time.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
a new old one.
Trust.
You tell me to trust.
To be still.
To wait.
To commit.
To trust
NOT
in my own understanding.
You will make me like a mountain
Strong.
Indestructable.
Unwavering.
The dawn, in all it's pinks, purples, and blues
Will radiate from me.
You will allow me to rebuild cities.
To clothe the naked.
Feed the hungry.
Father the fatherless.
Love my neighbor.
But I have to be patient.
I have to be still.
I have to commit.
Your grace is sufficient in my weakness.
You tell me to trust.
To be still.
To wait.
To commit.
To trust
NOT
in my own understanding.
You will make me like a mountain
Strong.
Indestructable.
Unwavering.
The dawn, in all it's pinks, purples, and blues
Will radiate from me.
You will allow me to rebuild cities.
To clothe the naked.
Feed the hungry.
Father the fatherless.
Love my neighbor.
But I have to be patient.
I have to be still.
I have to commit.
Your grace is sufficient in my weakness.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
jesus with little feet
brown eyes peer over tiny glassestaking in the colors of the world around.
delicate little fingers touch what is before,
a curiosity that cannot be contained.
when the music dances
so does she.
her purple dress swirling as she bops.
left and right,
her head flys
tossing the hair her momma worked so hard to do.
at music's end
she crawls into the nearest lap,
giving her affection freely.
sometimes that lap belongs to me.
i often wonder just what it is she sees.
she cares not where i've been
and even less about what i've done.
she loves me for who i am.
unsuspecting. unknowing. unintentional.
are the lessons she forces us to learn.
Jesus said "Anyone who will not receive the Kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." Mark 10:15
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Learning to play
The air has turned cold again. Ironically, I found myself saying last night "Man, it got cold!" When in reality, two days ago, I should have been saying "Man, it's really warm out!" The Moulin Rouge soundtrack is blaring in the background. I've had breakfast with one mentor-like friend and coffee with another today. It seems the perfect time to sit with a cup of something steaming and blog about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got really sentimental today. I know. I know. When am I NOT sentimental? It seems that this week has been a particularly extra sentimental week. I tend to be one of those people who allows people of all sorts to imprint upon my life, sometimes within a matter of days. I have a desk with a glass top under which are pictures of people from throughout my life. Little Molly, Joe, and Connor who taught me the importance of play and helped me see the world through the eyes of small, untainted children. My pursuit of a career in early childhood began with a sentimenal recollection of my days with these three. There is a picture of a group of graduates at Central. They were all seniors the year I was a freshman. It was this group of people that finally got me to grasp just what God's love for me meant. There's Betsy who spent at least an hour with me every week. She introduced me to the world of coffee shops, worship, and made me start eating chicken again. My sisters who have, without knowing it, called me out on many of my flaws and made me only want to pursue greatness. There are about 20 other people on my desk that I could continue to reminense about and probably 1,000 others that I could recount.
Most recently I have been thinking about the people at my work. It is okay for me to say that I'm not staying at my company much longer. Not because it's a bad place to work, but because I finally have some direction in my life, and the corporate world just isn't it. The people at work, especially my supervisor and the president (and his wife) have been so gracious with me - keeping me on despite knowing that I'm in pursuit of other things. But it is not them that I refer to with sentiment.
When I first started at the company, I was only supposed to be there 3 weeks; here it is 3 months later. I had a hard time emotionally in the beginning because I felt like I wasn't making a difference, for gosh sakes, I was just answering the phones. And in the beginning I wasn't even doing that great of a job! I was used to running after 13 very small children, wiping their tears and their rear-ends. Being responsible for their daily well-being (at least while in my care). And now all I was responsible for was directing calls...frankly, I almost felt worthless. Then one day, during a company meeting, one employee gave me the "Inspiration Award" which is an award passed from employee to employee when one is inspired by another. This particular man gave it to me because he had noted what a big difference it was to have someone screening and directing their calls, greeting them every morning (with a smile), running around the office searching for them when an important call was on the line, etc. It was unbelievable to me that I could make a difference in my role at this place, but clearly I didn't realize its true importance. Believe it or not, that award made me realize that I could make a work home with this company until I decided what my next path would be.
Now that I am really close to leaving (very close..I can taste it), I have been thinking about the different people at the company and the little ways they have made life fun, different, exciting. There is one guy who makes me laugh just by looking at him. When he gets excited he says "Giddy up!" There is another guy who has moved from a coworker to a friend. He encourages me in my pursuit of educational jobs and teases me relentlessly. I don't know much about where he has come from (in life, that is), but I have a strong feeling that he is one of those people that has had to overcome great odds to be where he is today. People like those are usually quieter inspirations (except the ones that write books about it). They are strong and seem to impact every stranger that blindly walks into even the smallest type of relationship with them. I was definately an unsuspecting stranger in this case.
Some people would say that this is all "sentimental hogwash", but I truely believe that without the experiences, no matter how small or large, with people who walked in and out of my life, I would be a different person. For each impacts a small piece of my heart. And all of those pieces put together makes me, me. So without Joe and Molly and Connor, I may never have learned to play.
I got really sentimental today. I know. I know. When am I NOT sentimental? It seems that this week has been a particularly extra sentimental week. I tend to be one of those people who allows people of all sorts to imprint upon my life, sometimes within a matter of days. I have a desk with a glass top under which are pictures of people from throughout my life. Little Molly, Joe, and Connor who taught me the importance of play and helped me see the world through the eyes of small, untainted children. My pursuit of a career in early childhood began with a sentimenal recollection of my days with these three. There is a picture of a group of graduates at Central. They were all seniors the year I was a freshman. It was this group of people that finally got me to grasp just what God's love for me meant. There's Betsy who spent at least an hour with me every week. She introduced me to the world of coffee shops, worship, and made me start eating chicken again. My sisters who have, without knowing it, called me out on many of my flaws and made me only want to pursue greatness. There are about 20 other people on my desk that I could continue to reminense about and probably 1,000 others that I could recount.
Most recently I have been thinking about the people at my work. It is okay for me to say that I'm not staying at my company much longer. Not because it's a bad place to work, but because I finally have some direction in my life, and the corporate world just isn't it. The people at work, especially my supervisor and the president (and his wife) have been so gracious with me - keeping me on despite knowing that I'm in pursuit of other things. But it is not them that I refer to with sentiment.
When I first started at the company, I was only supposed to be there 3 weeks; here it is 3 months later. I had a hard time emotionally in the beginning because I felt like I wasn't making a difference, for gosh sakes, I was just answering the phones. And in the beginning I wasn't even doing that great of a job! I was used to running after 13 very small children, wiping their tears and their rear-ends. Being responsible for their daily well-being (at least while in my care). And now all I was responsible for was directing calls...frankly, I almost felt worthless. Then one day, during a company meeting, one employee gave me the "Inspiration Award" which is an award passed from employee to employee when one is inspired by another. This particular man gave it to me because he had noted what a big difference it was to have someone screening and directing their calls, greeting them every morning (with a smile), running around the office searching for them when an important call was on the line, etc. It was unbelievable to me that I could make a difference in my role at this place, but clearly I didn't realize its true importance. Believe it or not, that award made me realize that I could make a work home with this company until I decided what my next path would be.
Now that I am really close to leaving (very close..I can taste it), I have been thinking about the different people at the company and the little ways they have made life fun, different, exciting. There is one guy who makes me laugh just by looking at him. When he gets excited he says "Giddy up!" There is another guy who has moved from a coworker to a friend. He encourages me in my pursuit of educational jobs and teases me relentlessly. I don't know much about where he has come from (in life, that is), but I have a strong feeling that he is one of those people that has had to overcome great odds to be where he is today. People like those are usually quieter inspirations (except the ones that write books about it). They are strong and seem to impact every stranger that blindly walks into even the smallest type of relationship with them. I was definately an unsuspecting stranger in this case.
Some people would say that this is all "sentimental hogwash", but I truely believe that without the experiences, no matter how small or large, with people who walked in and out of my life, I would be a different person. For each impacts a small piece of my heart. And all of those pieces put together makes me, me. So without Joe and Molly and Connor, I may never have learned to play.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
The New Fish
This is my cousin Jeff and his new daughter, Taylor Ashlynn, born on Thursday night. Jeff and his wife Loida have been more like older siblings to me over the past couple of years. Our interactions are few and far between, but often very meaningful (at least to me). Praise God for the new little life in their house!!
Monday, January 30, 2006
A lot of randomness in my head today. Has anyone noticed how often I use the word random or a derivative of it? I bet it’s on this blog at least 30 times. There’s no logical way to order randomness which is why it is called random, but (as Tanya, George, and Neil would put it) the “J” in me wants to put some order to the mad chaos. Especially to that which occurs in depths (or shallows) of my mind.
Random bit # 1 – Does anyone out there watch Grey’s Anatomy? Holy buckets was it good last night!! I was fortunate enough to get my mom addicted to the show. During last night’s show, one particular doctor let a patient in on a big secret from her past just before commercial break. I was freaking out! And trying to call my mom. The call wouldn’t go through. WHY? Because SHE WAS CALLING ME!!! Fun times in the mother-daughter world.
Random bit # 2 – My dad is finally having his first stress test – six months later. Three reschedulings. At this very moment he is probably sitting in some doctor’s office awaiting the results. His heart attack was on August 13…Today is January 30. He has not smoked since that morning.
Random bit # 3 – I have to get a Hep A. vaccine for a job that I’m going to do for my church. YUCK! I hate shots.
Random bit # 4 – Emily has been in Wales for two weeks now and has yet to forget about me! Installment # 3 of her adventure will be posted shortly.
Random bit # 5 – A new friend introduced me to a coffee shop in south city this weekend. Not only did they provide a mocha very friendly to my taste buds, but they also had the indoor as well as location atmosphere that reminded me of being back at good ole’ Smokey Row. In fact, if they had an upstairs and exposed bricks walls, I probably could have thought I was at The Row. Only I didn’t know a single sole which would not be the case in P-town.
Random bit # 6 – I’m GOING TO SEE JAMIE CULLUM in March. Did you hear me? I’M GOING TO SEE JAMIE CULLUM!!!! I am sooooooo excited!!
Random bit # 7 – Today is the first Monday in a long time that I actually feel awake and good. Perhaps it’s because I gave myself more time to wake up. Perhaps it is because I was a little less social this weekend. Perhaps it is because I prayed on the way to work. Perhaps it is because I talked with my sister this morning as I was getting ready for work. Could it be a combination of them all? Whatever it may be, my spirit is definitely much higher than it usually is or has been the past couple of weeks. Give God the Glory for that! Te doy la gloria. Te doy la honra.
Random bit # 1 – Does anyone out there watch Grey’s Anatomy? Holy buckets was it good last night!! I was fortunate enough to get my mom addicted to the show. During last night’s show, one particular doctor let a patient in on a big secret from her past just before commercial break. I was freaking out! And trying to call my mom. The call wouldn’t go through. WHY? Because SHE WAS CALLING ME!!! Fun times in the mother-daughter world.
Random bit # 2 – My dad is finally having his first stress test – six months later. Three reschedulings. At this very moment he is probably sitting in some doctor’s office awaiting the results. His heart attack was on August 13…Today is January 30. He has not smoked since that morning.
Random bit # 3 – I have to get a Hep A. vaccine for a job that I’m going to do for my church. YUCK! I hate shots.
Random bit # 4 – Emily has been in Wales for two weeks now and has yet to forget about me! Installment # 3 of her adventure will be posted shortly.
Random bit # 5 – A new friend introduced me to a coffee shop in south city this weekend. Not only did they provide a mocha very friendly to my taste buds, but they also had the indoor as well as location atmosphere that reminded me of being back at good ole’ Smokey Row. In fact, if they had an upstairs and exposed bricks walls, I probably could have thought I was at The Row. Only I didn’t know a single sole which would not be the case in P-town.
Random bit # 6 – I’m GOING TO SEE JAMIE CULLUM in March. Did you hear me? I’M GOING TO SEE JAMIE CULLUM!!!! I am sooooooo excited!!
Random bit # 7 – Today is the first Monday in a long time that I actually feel awake and good. Perhaps it’s because I gave myself more time to wake up. Perhaps it is because I was a little less social this weekend. Perhaps it is because I prayed on the way to work. Perhaps it is because I talked with my sister this morning as I was getting ready for work. Could it be a combination of them all? Whatever it may be, my spirit is definitely much higher than it usually is or has been the past couple of weeks. Give God the Glory for that! Te doy la gloria. Te doy la honra.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
A loss of thought
I had something important that I wanted to blog about the other night, but then Neil stopped byand distracted me. Now I can't remember what it is that was so important. Speaking of Neil, he so graciously loaned me his Nikon camera so I went out on an artistic endeavor. Below are a couple of my favorites.
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