ice cream and dancing: number seven

the thing i liked most about chelsey is that she brought pure fun to a room; or more specifically to our room on the third floor of gaass hall. she was innocently devious, creative, and curious. she loved to eat pizza and mac n' cheese with me, and i'm pretty certain she is the only roommate i've ever had that actually enjoyed watching lifetime movies with me. chelsey was a cross country runner which she put to good use...running to the grocery store...to get ice cream...for us...to eat. there were times when my stomach would ache from laughing with her.

besides helping me to relax and have fun, she taught me practical things like wrapping presents and dancing. although the present wrapping session usually ended in her just doing it for me, and the dancing resulted in her laughing at me as i was no where near the graceful ballerina that she was.

that she really was. a graceful ballerina, a runner, an ice cream lover, and one of the best roommates ever.

a friend from the cornfields: number six

a new baby was born today (of course). i'm specifically thinking of a little girl whose parents named her calla.

it's been a long time since i've talked to this man who suddenly found himself in a new role, but there was time when he was the one i talked to with as much frequency as possible. it's been said that my dad prayed him into my life as i had been pretty lonely and in need someone to call a real friend. others might say that we just drifted into each other's life, but regardless of how it came to be, it's a friendship that changed my life.

for various reasons, i spent much of high school feeling unvalued and unloved by my peers (i'm not going to argue that my feelings were totally valid, but they were my feelings nonetheless). i had joined this county-wide bible study consisting of teens from about five tiny towns. it was in this study that i met robert. he would tell you that he didn't want to be friends with some random girl from another town, and i would tell you that i thought he was cute (i was pretty boy crazy back in the day). despite his internal resistance, some kind of bond formed between us and we found ourselves together; "cruising" on friday nights, watching snl on saturday nights, star gazing and profoundly discussing life in the summers. we kept each other company at our respective school functions, and became advocates for each other's accomplishments in life. honestly, robert was my best friend.

through his friendship, i learned that i was lovable. i learned that my family was lovable. i felt validity. i found encouragement. i experienced a deep joy and a deep love. i think i can say that there is something mutually influential about our friendship as is caused robert to begin discovering just where he might be passionate; helped him to question the purpose for his immediate future.

as we got older life happened. college took us down different paths. he became a pastor, married an incredibly wonderful woman, and today, they became parents. i'm excited for this new life which hopefully means a new passion for this man.

when thank you isn't enough: persons number five

sometimes influence happens indirectly; like these commercials. thinking about these fifty people combined with processing information about "good start" and "bad start" in early life development has brought me to my number five.

they've been around my whole life (and longer), and while i have been effected by spending time with them, it's the investment they made before i was even conceived that has profoundly shaped the cornerstone of who i am.

they were a young couple answering god's call to plant a church in a small city in nebraska. church planting can be difficult so they took jobs to help financially. or at least i assume that's the reason brad found himself working at valmont.

another young couple moved to the same small city for his job. eventually, ron also found himself working at valmont alongside brad. i can't pretend to know the details of how their friendship formed, but i do know that there was something about the way brad loved ron that ron found intriguing. at some point ron and his wife, denise, found friends in brad and his wife, judy. and at some point, brad and judy brought jesus into ron and denise's life.

ron and denise became part of the church plant and found themselves being discipled by their young friends. eventually, the foursome became practically inseparable. they found in each other refuge, strength, and a friendship that nothing could destroy. i've heard stories about how brad and ron would do the things that ornery guys do and would get hurt in the process. about how judy and denise would scrape pennies together so that they could split a good housekeeping and a chunky bar. sometimes if they hit a gold mine, they would tell stories over chips and salsa at the local mexican joint.

thirty years later, a letter from one couple to the other read, "God looks down and pairs us up with soul mates, we believe, and you are ours; our spirits continue conversations whether we are in one another’s presence or not."

what a poetically beautiful statement.

i deeply admire the bond between these couples, and hope that i will have that in my life, but the effect it's had on my life goes beyond deep admiration. every once in a while, i try to imagine my life without jesus; without a savior to hope in; without grace to walk in. i can't conceive a picture because jesus has always been around, thanks to brad and judy. ron and denise: they are my parents. something about the way that brad and judy intentionally poured into them didn't just effect their lives, but made drastic changes at the core of who they each were, their life as a couple, and as parents.

there's so much more i would like to say, but the deep emotion of gratitude and love i have for this couple is impossible to express.

what do you do when thank you doesn't feel like enough.....

servant heartedness and a wedding: person number four

looking back on the summer i spent with the next person on the list, i realize that he gave me a glimpse of the person i was to become. he loved jane austen and classical music and could chop an onion better than most people i know. i know this little fact about the onion because he consistently gave up what little free time he had during an intense summer program in order to help me prepare dinner for a hundred people. he quietly served people in this way--taking out the trash, picking up a middle schooler at the end of a school day, working late into the night on woodworking projects for urban elementary kids to finish the next day, waking up early on a sleep-in day to bake for friends. the list could just go on and on. i think daniel was one of the most naturally servant hearted people i have ever met.

becoming friends with daniel taught me to let go and live with the playfulness of child every now and then. he silently pushed his way into my life in ways that showed me i don't always have to be strong; that it's okay to let others do things for me; and to depend on community every now and then. when he wasn't excersizing his servanthoodedness, he could be found running around with the kids, playing games, and using his boyish charm to put grins on the faces of everyone around him.

daniel got married today to an equally as wonderful woman named kimberly. i'm certain that together they are going to unintentionally wreck people's lives by caring for them in ways they never imagined possible.

a shared day: person number three

today is my half birthday. it’s a special day, not because it is my half birthday, but rather because I share it with the real birthday of one of my fifty people. i met justin practically the minute he stepped his freshman feet onto campus. i never imagined that this jolly boy would grow into the passionate man he has become. justin has more than touched my life; he’s made an imprint so deep that nothing could possibly fill it.

why? because justin is:

a bold follower of jesus. with reckless abandon, he consistently says yes when god calls him to the scariest of neighborhoods and to love the hardest of people.

a goof. justin has a way of making people laugh; sometimes at his own expense. whether he's cracking a joke intentionally or making light of the moment, his humor often puts a room at ease.

a compassionate and wise friend. when i first met him, he was a friendly guy, but as god changed his heart and his passions, he became filled with compassion. he's been given a gift to see people through the eyes of jesus in a much more natural way than most of the rest of us. through his compassion, he exercises wisdom and is often sought after for advice.

an inspirer. justin is a world changer simply through intentional relationships. what's more inspiring than that?

unspeakable change: number two of fifty

sometimes it's as simple as witnessing change that occurs in a person. their growth leaves something unspeakable attached to you which remains forever. and this is how the second on my list will be remembered.

she was a crier. everyday. as if it would really get her out of running laps in my class. her tears came because "she couldn't do it" or because she didn't like the game or because she didn't understand my directions. in reality, the cause was her slight immaturity combined with low self-confidence. despite the fact that i'm also a crier, i would pat her on the back and send her on her way: running laps, playing the game, and generally doing whatever it was i had instructed the rest of the class to do. i would take time out of the game to explain rules in her terminology which often involved the use of cats or hamsters. i spent the whole first year trying to convince her that she should ask questions, use her words, rather than break down sobbing. she was the student that i was certain would never enjoy any sort of physical activity and would probably always dread coming to my class.

during the second year, something changed in her. i found that she had a glorious smile that complimented her wildly curly red hair. she ran her laps slower than most, but without tears. she participated, but still hung back at times. every now and then, she would even ask for an explanation. one day in the middle of a soccer game, i watched as the ball flew through the air aimed at her. i expected her normal action: running away, but instead was greeted with surprise as i watched her intentially meet the ball with her head, bump it with her chest, and send it reeling to the ground. later she beamed at me with confidence as she explained to me that another more adept classmate had told her doing a header doesn't actually hurt.

later in the year i met her in the hallway. i greeted her with a hello. she paused, grinned from ear to ear, and started to bob up and down as she skipped the hello to declare "i love hockey!" i don't know what changed her, but it was obvious that something had gotten to her core. my last day of school, i pulled her aside to encourage the change i had seen. before i could even get the words out, she hugged me hard and said she was going to miss me. at the end of our little conversation, she gave me her version of high five called a "migh nive" and bounced her curly head all the way back to her mother. there was something powerful in the newfound confidence of this little girl, and this time as she ran, it was my tears that fell.

the first of fifty

i realize that the first of fifty life influencers was due yesterday, but it was a daunting task to pick who would be first. in no way does the order i choose to write about these people reflect an order in which i value them. that sort of order just cannot be done.

my friend jessica gets to be the first, partly because we've being playing phone tag a lot lately and partly because she has the kind of personality that would just jump and go first when asked. not that i asked, but her name did kind of jump off the paper. when i first met jessica, i was fresh out of college and in the "big city" to teach at a school in which she had already invested several years. her passion for the mission of the school and her desire to be a great teacher made her intimidating as she spoke her mind quite freely. because of my newness, i didn't see what drove jessica. in my blindness, she became one of those people that i saw in shapes and colors.

i don't really remember how that changed. it may have been the day i saw her dawn a top hat and cane to sing the winston grammar song to her students. regardless, i'm so thankful that god challenged my perspective as jessica became one of the greatest influences on several aspects of my life. perhaps the most obvious way is my appearance. superficial, i know, but important nonetheless. she brought me out of my tomboyish mismatched funky ways, and into the world of womanhood. through her i came to enjoy my clothes instead of fighting with them every morning. she gave me essential shopping skills and instilled a confidence in me that i had not known before.

beyond the clothing, jessica inspires me. she is bold and spunky; confident in a humble way; spontaneous. she's the life of the party; she stands up for what she believes in; and she'll let you know when you might be making a bad decision. her honesty is what spurs me to seek big decision advice from her. her contagious personality always sends me into fits of laughter, and somehow, when i'm around her, i can forget the everyday stresses.

jessica's been a part of my life for almost six years. there are days when i long for the states between us to disappear so that i can tell her my latest boy story over coffee or model every black pair of shoes i own to see what fits best with my new summer skirt. but until that day comes, i'll just have to put on the outfit, look at myself in the mirror, and imagine her saying, "sammy, those pleated pants have got to go."

in celebration...

today is kind of a significant anniversary for me. it's not one that i've ever celebrated, as it may not be the celebrating kind. sometimes i even forget about it until it is here and almost over. for some reason, as i greeted the new summer urban project interns today, it was very prevalent in my mind. eight years ago, i was in their shoes; stepping into the city for the first time, wide eyed and a little afraid. i had no clue when i stepped out of dave's little red truck and into the circle drive of my new temporary home that my life would not just change, but would take on a whole new meaning.

today's anniversary combined with last night's post has gotten me to thinking a lot about how drastically different i am. sometimes i think about the person that rode in that little red truck eight years ago and wonder if that was really me. i'm not even sure i recognize the girl i was just a year ago.

my life change didn't just happen. i was inspired. i was encouraged. i was prayed for. i was counseled. i was invested in. i was loved. in reality, i am a product of the effects that relationships have had on me. in honor of the anniversary; in honor of the woman i have become, am becoming; in honor of the people who saw beyond my colors and shapes...

fifty days. the number of days the summer interns spend in the city; the number of days that i first spent in the city where god would wreck my life. fifty is not high enough to represent the number of people who have forever left their marks in me. but in fifty days, i'm going to bring you fifty people. fifty people that pushed me from my state of being...

may you be inspired by who they are and through that inspiration find the courage and words to express your gratitude to those who have evoked change in your life.

and if you happen to be one of the fifty...thank you...

there are people in this life that no matter how hard you try, you will just never forget even if years go by without words spoken. forever etched in my memory are things like my early childhood bff. i haven't seen tami since i was seven, but i will never forget her obsession with jon bon jovi. there was a janitor at my first elementary school that called me the skunk when i would show up in my yellow sweater with the black stripes down the arms. i can still see the little round glasses that sat just below the gray hair atop his tall, thin, almost elderly body. later in life there is a girl named anna who drank mountain dew and constantly got a's on the papers she would at 1am on the day they were due or chelsey who would go for a run with her backpack on, only to stop and fill it with ice cream for us to indulge in upon her return. there's no way to erase daniel or joe, a homeless man that became our travel companion as we ventured across the state early one sunday morning. there are a few people in my life currently that, despite what the future holds, i know will hold their place in me; the guy who taught me my first guitar chords which unlocked a whole part of me that i had put away; russ who inadvertently made me get through my fear of inability to think intellectually and gave me a confidence that was never before mine; the new friend i had coffee with tonight.

i haven't known him long, but just long enough to want to know him longer. he's a quiet, rather peaceful man, but not without presence. he's an artist, a musician, a cook, an intellect, a computer geek, an outdoorsman, and an athlete all wrapped into one person.

my first contact with him was through his art. admittedly, upon first look, i didn't understand his painting. i found it beautiful and sensed the emotion, but it wasn't until our accidental/coincidental/god-ordained meeting (choose your own adventure on that one) that i saw things differently. the painting was no longer just this pretty thing with some sort of meaning behind it, but an extension of a part of a man's struggle within his soul. the figure was no longer standing; he was desparately reaching. he wasn't decorated by a ribbon, but bound by the unwanted. the emotion took shape as stubbornness and fear beginning to yield to longing and desparation. when i looked beyond the color and shapes, i found something soul stirring. like his paintings, there is a richness to this man that i never would have guessed at first glance.

as we talked over intentionally cold coffee tonight, it came to light that a lot of treasures are blown off after a quick glance at their pretty colors or well drawn lines; like heavy metal music or susan boyle.

just what i have missed out on...what life change have i passed by...what impact have i denied just because i couldn't "understand the words" or "wasn't attracted to the color" or because i simply didn't have the time to explore the depth?

i can't imagine just what i would be like nor what faces would flood my mind if i walked around looking only at shapes and color and hearing things in heavy metal-like screams. i'm grateful for the times that god has forced me to see beyond my blind contentedness and into rich depths of the treasures around me for without those moments or without those people, i would just be. and being is not enough.

but that's a story for another post...

confessions of a suicidal squirrel

dear lady who hates me,

i did it. it was me. not the other guys. i just couldn't resist the juiciness of the pumpkins, and your flowers were the perfect place to bury my nuts. i will miss running on your window ledge early in the morning and making the choking noises outside your living room.

please don't forget me.
-the squirrelly one

squirrel attack!

it's a known fact that i have issues with squirrels. they eat my pumpkins, dig holes in my garden, knock over the plants on my porch, and run up the sides of my house. my life would be less stressful if it were squirrel-less.

there is another type of squirrel in my life; a particular class that i teach. like the animals, the kids dart all over the place, not paying attention, and knocking things (usually each other) over. they also cause stress, but it's only over such things as: potentially loosing one in the frenzy of outdoor pe, major injuries due to their lack of listening to directions, and their lack of listening to directions resulting in my having to repeat myself about twenty times. this particular class, mostly due to their age, is also pretty clueless so i was flabbergasted when they decided to think for themselves the other day.

we were trying to play kickball with nine students in the sprinkly rain. not only was it not enough players, but these specific kids were not enjoying it. (i know, how can you NOT love kickball!) one little fella decided he would try to knock the ball out of my hands in between pitches. when another of the more athletically inclined squirrels joined in, I had a much harder time keeping the ball away from them. before i knew it, most of the class was on me...most of them trying to get the ball, but a few of them attempting to defend me. the shock of their rebellion was paralyzing as they mauled me for the ball.

eventually order overtook the chaos, and i somehow managed to keep the ball in my hands. but in the meantime, my heart grew just a little bit for the squirrels. it's taken almost the entire school year, but i think i really like them.

this event, however, has no effect on my feelings toward the animal.

not the best i've ever created, but it was still fun