a letter unwritten

You know how sometimes you just get into one of those moods? It’s been a long day, but a whirlwind at the same time. A lot was expected of you. A million conversations were had. Not only is your body fatigued, but you also can’t get your mind to stop working long enough to sleep. That’s how I feel tonight. I left BSF early (before the lecture) because I was fairly certain I would fall asleep while the poor substitute leader was talking. I walked into the night that had once been rainy. The ground was still wet and drops remained on my car. Rain always sends me into a nostalgic, pensive state. Last year, I often found myself thinking of you on those Mondays after deep discussions on Romans. Not much has changed. The discussions now revolve around Matthew, but often the thought of you still exists as I saunter from the church door to my car.

During that short walk tonight, I was especially pensive. Rain often does that to me. Tiredness contributes to that. Tonight I picked up my phone to call, but you were not there. Of course, I didn’t really try to call. That would have been silly as you would not have been, will not be, at the other end.

I’ve got some direction for my life. I want to share it with you. I want to know what you think. If I could get on a place…or just call you. To hear the sound of your voice…I miss your voice.
I’m floating into a dream-filled state now. Maybe I will see you there. Maybe that will satisfy the part of me that longs for you. But it will only be temporary. Monday will come again, and it might even be raining.