Thursday, November 17, 2011

the end of the beginning of the story

i left the concert a year ago tonight with a bit of a new perspective on steve. you see, sometimes it takes being forced into a new situation with a person to change your perspective, to wipe away your initial judgements. 

the evening had started with a group of people at a restaurant very near my home.  let me tell you, there's nothing quite as awkward as going on a non-date in the presence of a group of people who know that the boy is interested in you and are analyzing your every move in attempt to figure out what's going on inside of your head in regards to the boy.  after dinner, steve and i walked from one end of the loop to the other.  it was raining and i had mistakenly chosen to wear heels which meant it was extra slippery.  when he offered his arm to keep me from falling, i was begrudgingly impressed. I worried about what using his arm communicated to him, but knew that i needed it to get down the street safely.

let me just pause here for a moment and point out what a great example this is of our need for community.  we need others more than we are ever really aware of or even willing to admit.  i have most definitely been a victim of my own stubbornness in the past; trying to do things on my own sometimes to my detriment.  we were created to do life in community.  ever since i acknowledged that and allowed people to be my community on a much deeper level, my life has not only been easier, but filled with deep contentment.  i was already working on this before i met steve, but having him in my life has made me grow so much more in this area.

back to the story.  with his arm, i did make it to the pageant safely.  we found a place to stand near the back with our friends, the rowton's, for the opening act, but then moved to the front with our friends, the burke's (they were not yet my friends at this point), for the main act.  in between the two bands, steve and i talked a little.  it was mostly just friendly get-to-know-you-chat, but he said two things during the course of this that made me go, "hmm."  what he said shall remain between the two of us, but i will tell you that it showed his tender side and gave me a glimpse of the fact that he probably understood me more than i ever thought he would.  by the time he dropped me off at my house that evening, i thought that we could be friends.  but only friends as i was still convinced that i would never date him.

that was a year ago tonight.

the rest of the significant part of the beginning of steve and my love story really happens in december.  the brief overview is that we started texting and then g-chatting while at work.  there was an occasional email and we started including each other in group activities.  my birthday happened in early december.  i had invited him but then spent the entire evening a little disappointed that he had strategically sat next me through most of the night.  for reasons i will not detail, it turned out to be a good thing that he was with me.  after this, i started to look forward to talking to him.  one friday (december 17), when thinking about my plans for the evening, i found myself really wanting to hang out with him.  so we made plans for a late movie.  i spent most of the evening wondering if he was going to try to hold my hand and contemplating what my reaction would be.  at one point, i caught him staring at me.  and then again later.  about the third time i noticed him staring, i expressed my uncomfortability with this in a sarcastic statement and put my hand up to block my face for minute.  he seized the moment, and in one swift move, i was holding his hand.  i liked it, until the movie was over and then remembered that i only wanted to be friends with him and that friends don't hold hands like that.  that very sentence was what i used in my freak out over the phone with him the following day.  his response?  i think we aren't just friends any more and you need to accept that.  those were not his exact words, but that was his point.

the following week, we met for a walk in the park which then turned into a long conversation in his car in the parking lot.  (and by conversation, i really do mean conversation).  the following night, we were both to be at a rehearsal at church.  i still did not want people to know that we were holding hands, but i wanted to hold his hand.  he had gotten to church before me so i called him and asked if he would come out to my car. he did and we held hands in secret before going in to rehearsal.  i know how ridiculous this sounds, but it really was nice to just have him and whatever was going on between us all to ourselves for a little bit.  over an intense weekend of christmas services at church, we would steal glances, sneak texts, and talk with our eyes.  and then people started to notice...

so that's the least the very very beginning of it.  we decided to call the movie our first date. so our anniversary really isn't until december 17,  but i can't help recalling the events of this week.  i mean, they have significantly changed my life.  and this time, this change, is good.

1 comment:

Elizabeth said...

I remember those early days. I remember how you fought it and soooo didn't want to label it! But I think we all knew you were a goner already. :)