Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
through the back door
The blogging world has been a bit foreign to me lately as CityLights, a new job, and a kitchen sanitation certification test have all quickly crept upon me. But people are dying to know about my life. right.
Unfortunately for you visitors of the "fishtank", I am feeling something a little different then the sharing of my life tonight.
I just spent more time than I should have on the phone with a woman who is becoming a dear friend. Yep, that's right, I said a dear friend. Another person for me to get sentimental over. Only this time, the Lord is creating such a unique and strong bond, that I loose track of time when I'm talking with her. (Kind of the same as when I talk with my mom (that's really the truth too mom!)). I remember several months ago, ask God to make my dependence upon Him complete and utter I-can't-live-a-day-without-you-dependence. How does that saying go? Be careful what you ask for? I was stripped of a job...and friends just seemed to be slipping through the cracks. My relationships began changing, and I found myself longing for the times I could slip back into my room, lay on my bed, and tell God what was on my heart and mind.
After about 4 months of that, I began to pray very specifically for good female friends. At the time, I thought that would never happen. That maybe the Lord thought my heart wasn't content enough just with Him. But He brought me three friends...they came in the sneakiest ways. One started with just a simple hug at our church retreat. Another in simply wanting to help a family. And the third....well, she took my job and wanted to ask me a bunch of questions.
Tonight as I write, I just can't get over the goodness of the Lord. How He knew my heart. He knew the timing of the friends I needed. And just when I thought I was at my breaking point, He delivered in the smallest of ways. The ironic thing is that this sort of thing happens every day, but I fail to see it. It's like it has to smack me in the face before I recognize just what is going on. Funny, isn't it.
It's late. CityLights, the new job, and the kitchen sanitation certification test still await me. I promise to write about the new job next time.
Unfortunately for you visitors of the "fishtank", I am feeling something a little different then the sharing of my life tonight.
I just spent more time than I should have on the phone with a woman who is becoming a dear friend. Yep, that's right, I said a dear friend. Another person for me to get sentimental over. Only this time, the Lord is creating such a unique and strong bond, that I loose track of time when I'm talking with her. (Kind of the same as when I talk with my mom (that's really the truth too mom!)). I remember several months ago, ask God to make my dependence upon Him complete and utter I-can't-live-a-day-without-you-dependence. How does that saying go? Be careful what you ask for? I was stripped of a job...and friends just seemed to be slipping through the cracks. My relationships began changing, and I found myself longing for the times I could slip back into my room, lay on my bed, and tell God what was on my heart and mind.
After about 4 months of that, I began to pray very specifically for good female friends. At the time, I thought that would never happen. That maybe the Lord thought my heart wasn't content enough just with Him. But He brought me three friends...they came in the sneakiest ways. One started with just a simple hug at our church retreat. Another in simply wanting to help a family. And the third....well, she took my job and wanted to ask me a bunch of questions.
Tonight as I write, I just can't get over the goodness of the Lord. How He knew my heart. He knew the timing of the friends I needed. And just when I thought I was at my breaking point, He delivered in the smallest of ways. The ironic thing is that this sort of thing happens every day, but I fail to see it. It's like it has to smack me in the face before I recognize just what is going on. Funny, isn't it.
It's late. CityLights, the new job, and the kitchen sanitation certification test still await me. I promise to write about the new job next time.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
a new old one.
Trust.
You tell me to trust.
To be still.
To wait.
To commit.
To trust
NOT
in my own understanding.
You will make me like a mountain
Strong.
Indestructable.
Unwavering.
The dawn, in all it's pinks, purples, and blues
Will radiate from me.
You will allow me to rebuild cities.
To clothe the naked.
Feed the hungry.
Father the fatherless.
Love my neighbor.
But I have to be patient.
I have to be still.
I have to commit.
Your grace is sufficient in my weakness.
You tell me to trust.
To be still.
To wait.
To commit.
To trust
NOT
in my own understanding.
You will make me like a mountain
Strong.
Indestructable.
Unwavering.
The dawn, in all it's pinks, purples, and blues
Will radiate from me.
You will allow me to rebuild cities.
To clothe the naked.
Feed the hungry.
Father the fatherless.
Love my neighbor.
But I have to be patient.
I have to be still.
I have to commit.
Your grace is sufficient in my weakness.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
jesus with little feet
brown eyes peer over tiny glassestaking in the colors of the world around.
delicate little fingers touch what is before,
a curiosity that cannot be contained.
when the music dances
so does she.
her purple dress swirling as she bops.
left and right,
her head flys
tossing the hair her momma worked so hard to do.
at music's end
she crawls into the nearest lap,
giving her affection freely.
sometimes that lap belongs to me.
i often wonder just what it is she sees.
she cares not where i've been
and even less about what i've done.
she loves me for who i am.
unsuspecting. unknowing. unintentional.
are the lessons she forces us to learn.
Jesus said "Anyone who will not receive the Kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." Mark 10:15
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Learning to play
The air has turned cold again. Ironically, I found myself saying last night "Man, it got cold!" When in reality, two days ago, I should have been saying "Man, it's really warm out!" The Moulin Rouge soundtrack is blaring in the background. I've had breakfast with one mentor-like friend and coffee with another today. It seems the perfect time to sit with a cup of something steaming and blog about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got really sentimental today. I know. I know. When am I NOT sentimental? It seems that this week has been a particularly extra sentimental week. I tend to be one of those people who allows people of all sorts to imprint upon my life, sometimes within a matter of days. I have a desk with a glass top under which are pictures of people from throughout my life. Little Molly, Joe, and Connor who taught me the importance of play and helped me see the world through the eyes of small, untainted children. My pursuit of a career in early childhood began with a sentimenal recollection of my days with these three. There is a picture of a group of graduates at Central. They were all seniors the year I was a freshman. It was this group of people that finally got me to grasp just what God's love for me meant. There's Betsy who spent at least an hour with me every week. She introduced me to the world of coffee shops, worship, and made me start eating chicken again. My sisters who have, without knowing it, called me out on many of my flaws and made me only want to pursue greatness. There are about 20 other people on my desk that I could continue to reminense about and probably 1,000 others that I could recount.
Most recently I have been thinking about the people at my work. It is okay for me to say that I'm not staying at my company much longer. Not because it's a bad place to work, but because I finally have some direction in my life, and the corporate world just isn't it. The people at work, especially my supervisor and the president (and his wife) have been so gracious with me - keeping me on despite knowing that I'm in pursuit of other things. But it is not them that I refer to with sentiment.
When I first started at the company, I was only supposed to be there 3 weeks; here it is 3 months later. I had a hard time emotionally in the beginning because I felt like I wasn't making a difference, for gosh sakes, I was just answering the phones. And in the beginning I wasn't even doing that great of a job! I was used to running after 13 very small children, wiping their tears and their rear-ends. Being responsible for their daily well-being (at least while in my care). And now all I was responsible for was directing calls...frankly, I almost felt worthless. Then one day, during a company meeting, one employee gave me the "Inspiration Award" which is an award passed from employee to employee when one is inspired by another. This particular man gave it to me because he had noted what a big difference it was to have someone screening and directing their calls, greeting them every morning (with a smile), running around the office searching for them when an important call was on the line, etc. It was unbelievable to me that I could make a difference in my role at this place, but clearly I didn't realize its true importance. Believe it or not, that award made me realize that I could make a work home with this company until I decided what my next path would be.
Now that I am really close to leaving (very close..I can taste it), I have been thinking about the different people at the company and the little ways they have made life fun, different, exciting. There is one guy who makes me laugh just by looking at him. When he gets excited he says "Giddy up!" There is another guy who has moved from a coworker to a friend. He encourages me in my pursuit of educational jobs and teases me relentlessly. I don't know much about where he has come from (in life, that is), but I have a strong feeling that he is one of those people that has had to overcome great odds to be where he is today. People like those are usually quieter inspirations (except the ones that write books about it). They are strong and seem to impact every stranger that blindly walks into even the smallest type of relationship with them. I was definately an unsuspecting stranger in this case.
Some people would say that this is all "sentimental hogwash", but I truely believe that without the experiences, no matter how small or large, with people who walked in and out of my life, I would be a different person. For each impacts a small piece of my heart. And all of those pieces put together makes me, me. So without Joe and Molly and Connor, I may never have learned to play.
I got really sentimental today. I know. I know. When am I NOT sentimental? It seems that this week has been a particularly extra sentimental week. I tend to be one of those people who allows people of all sorts to imprint upon my life, sometimes within a matter of days. I have a desk with a glass top under which are pictures of people from throughout my life. Little Molly, Joe, and Connor who taught me the importance of play and helped me see the world through the eyes of small, untainted children. My pursuit of a career in early childhood began with a sentimenal recollection of my days with these three. There is a picture of a group of graduates at Central. They were all seniors the year I was a freshman. It was this group of people that finally got me to grasp just what God's love for me meant. There's Betsy who spent at least an hour with me every week. She introduced me to the world of coffee shops, worship, and made me start eating chicken again. My sisters who have, without knowing it, called me out on many of my flaws and made me only want to pursue greatness. There are about 20 other people on my desk that I could continue to reminense about and probably 1,000 others that I could recount.
Most recently I have been thinking about the people at my work. It is okay for me to say that I'm not staying at my company much longer. Not because it's a bad place to work, but because I finally have some direction in my life, and the corporate world just isn't it. The people at work, especially my supervisor and the president (and his wife) have been so gracious with me - keeping me on despite knowing that I'm in pursuit of other things. But it is not them that I refer to with sentiment.
When I first started at the company, I was only supposed to be there 3 weeks; here it is 3 months later. I had a hard time emotionally in the beginning because I felt like I wasn't making a difference, for gosh sakes, I was just answering the phones. And in the beginning I wasn't even doing that great of a job! I was used to running after 13 very small children, wiping their tears and their rear-ends. Being responsible for their daily well-being (at least while in my care). And now all I was responsible for was directing calls...frankly, I almost felt worthless. Then one day, during a company meeting, one employee gave me the "Inspiration Award" which is an award passed from employee to employee when one is inspired by another. This particular man gave it to me because he had noted what a big difference it was to have someone screening and directing their calls, greeting them every morning (with a smile), running around the office searching for them when an important call was on the line, etc. It was unbelievable to me that I could make a difference in my role at this place, but clearly I didn't realize its true importance. Believe it or not, that award made me realize that I could make a work home with this company until I decided what my next path would be.
Now that I am really close to leaving (very close..I can taste it), I have been thinking about the different people at the company and the little ways they have made life fun, different, exciting. There is one guy who makes me laugh just by looking at him. When he gets excited he says "Giddy up!" There is another guy who has moved from a coworker to a friend. He encourages me in my pursuit of educational jobs and teases me relentlessly. I don't know much about where he has come from (in life, that is), but I have a strong feeling that he is one of those people that has had to overcome great odds to be where he is today. People like those are usually quieter inspirations (except the ones that write books about it). They are strong and seem to impact every stranger that blindly walks into even the smallest type of relationship with them. I was definately an unsuspecting stranger in this case.
Some people would say that this is all "sentimental hogwash", but I truely believe that without the experiences, no matter how small or large, with people who walked in and out of my life, I would be a different person. For each impacts a small piece of my heart. And all of those pieces put together makes me, me. So without Joe and Molly and Connor, I may never have learned to play.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
The New Fish
This is my cousin Jeff and his new daughter, Taylor Ashlynn, born on Thursday night. Jeff and his wife Loida have been more like older siblings to me over the past couple of years. Our interactions are few and far between, but often very meaningful (at least to me). Praise God for the new little life in their house!!
Monday, January 30, 2006
A lot of randomness in my head today. Has anyone noticed how often I use the word random or a derivative of it? I bet it’s on this blog at least 30 times. There’s no logical way to order randomness which is why it is called random, but (as Tanya, George, and Neil would put it) the “J” in me wants to put some order to the mad chaos. Especially to that which occurs in depths (or shallows) of my mind.
Random bit # 1 – Does anyone out there watch Grey’s Anatomy? Holy buckets was it good last night!! I was fortunate enough to get my mom addicted to the show. During last night’s show, one particular doctor let a patient in on a big secret from her past just before commercial break. I was freaking out! And trying to call my mom. The call wouldn’t go through. WHY? Because SHE WAS CALLING ME!!! Fun times in the mother-daughter world.
Random bit # 2 – My dad is finally having his first stress test – six months later. Three reschedulings. At this very moment he is probably sitting in some doctor’s office awaiting the results. His heart attack was on August 13…Today is January 30. He has not smoked since that morning.
Random bit # 3 – I have to get a Hep A. vaccine for a job that I’m going to do for my church. YUCK! I hate shots.
Random bit # 4 – Emily has been in Wales for two weeks now and has yet to forget about me! Installment # 3 of her adventure will be posted shortly.
Random bit # 5 – A new friend introduced me to a coffee shop in south city this weekend. Not only did they provide a mocha very friendly to my taste buds, but they also had the indoor as well as location atmosphere that reminded me of being back at good ole’ Smokey Row. In fact, if they had an upstairs and exposed bricks walls, I probably could have thought I was at The Row. Only I didn’t know a single sole which would not be the case in P-town.
Random bit # 6 – I’m GOING TO SEE JAMIE CULLUM in March. Did you hear me? I’M GOING TO SEE JAMIE CULLUM!!!! I am sooooooo excited!!
Random bit # 7 – Today is the first Monday in a long time that I actually feel awake and good. Perhaps it’s because I gave myself more time to wake up. Perhaps it is because I was a little less social this weekend. Perhaps it is because I prayed on the way to work. Perhaps it is because I talked with my sister this morning as I was getting ready for work. Could it be a combination of them all? Whatever it may be, my spirit is definitely much higher than it usually is or has been the past couple of weeks. Give God the Glory for that! Te doy la gloria. Te doy la honra.
Random bit # 1 – Does anyone out there watch Grey’s Anatomy? Holy buckets was it good last night!! I was fortunate enough to get my mom addicted to the show. During last night’s show, one particular doctor let a patient in on a big secret from her past just before commercial break. I was freaking out! And trying to call my mom. The call wouldn’t go through. WHY? Because SHE WAS CALLING ME!!! Fun times in the mother-daughter world.
Random bit # 2 – My dad is finally having his first stress test – six months later. Three reschedulings. At this very moment he is probably sitting in some doctor’s office awaiting the results. His heart attack was on August 13…Today is January 30. He has not smoked since that morning.
Random bit # 3 – I have to get a Hep A. vaccine for a job that I’m going to do for my church. YUCK! I hate shots.
Random bit # 4 – Emily has been in Wales for two weeks now and has yet to forget about me! Installment # 3 of her adventure will be posted shortly.
Random bit # 5 – A new friend introduced me to a coffee shop in south city this weekend. Not only did they provide a mocha very friendly to my taste buds, but they also had the indoor as well as location atmosphere that reminded me of being back at good ole’ Smokey Row. In fact, if they had an upstairs and exposed bricks walls, I probably could have thought I was at The Row. Only I didn’t know a single sole which would not be the case in P-town.
Random bit # 6 – I’m GOING TO SEE JAMIE CULLUM in March. Did you hear me? I’M GOING TO SEE JAMIE CULLUM!!!! I am sooooooo excited!!
Random bit # 7 – Today is the first Monday in a long time that I actually feel awake and good. Perhaps it’s because I gave myself more time to wake up. Perhaps it is because I was a little less social this weekend. Perhaps it is because I prayed on the way to work. Perhaps it is because I talked with my sister this morning as I was getting ready for work. Could it be a combination of them all? Whatever it may be, my spirit is definitely much higher than it usually is or has been the past couple of weeks. Give God the Glory for that! Te doy la gloria. Te doy la honra.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
A loss of thought
I had something important that I wanted to blog about the other night, but then Neil stopped byand distracted me. Now I can't remember what it is that was so important. Speaking of Neil, he so graciously loaned me his Nikon camera so I went out on an artistic endeavor. Below are a couple of my favorites.
Emily's Adventure part 2
Have you ever seen one of those movies where afterwards you think, "Gee I really have no idea what just happened"? That would be pretty close to how my first week in Europe has been: a confusing collage of images and people talking that in the end just seems surreal.
My two days in London went by quickly. Vandon house is a short walk from Buckingham Palace, Westminster Abbey, St. James Park, and the nightlife of Victoria street. I didn't realize where any of these things were. I just sort of ran into them on a walk. I tip my hat to anyone who stands in awe of these places, especially Buckingham Palace. Unfortunately I'm not one of them. Buckingham Palace = Big square building woohoo.
It would have been alright if I could have tried on one of the guard's hats maybe, but I didnt think I wanted to look down the barrel of the police officer's gun to ask. Fortunately, St. James Park was right next to the palace and I had a nice little stroll through there. The best parts of the city are definately the parts that aren't on the map. The traffic signs offer loads of entertainment when you're least expecting it. During my shuttle ride I noticed a large "Slow Down NOW" - large emphasis on the giant now - sign that was neither behind nor followed by an actual speed. What the heck does that mean? Fortunately, pedestrians have it much easier. Even I could follow the painted "Look Left"s and "Look Right"s. Much more practical than whatever genius decided to build an ash tray into the door of the airplane bathrooms right underneath the no smoking signs.
All the kids on my program arrived with no worries. When we finally got to the school, it looked - historic I suppose would be a polite term for it :) But the insides of the buildings are nice, especially our dorm. My room is probably the same size as the German House rooms with the added bonus of a little window room on the side. We've been so many places this week. We visited a two castles and different towns. Yesterday - I saw the ocean WOOOHOOOO. I walked out with no shoes, but I'm pretty sure it was a little cold to be doing that. A guy on the program and I went down on these rocks on the coast to try and get a good picture and a wave came in and hit us from behind. Luckily the sun was out, so when we arrived back at school 4 hours later I was only slightly damp instead of dripping wet. We spent one day trying to get to know the town - which is actually quite large and sort of confusing. Emily Pim and I have been lost 3 times trying to come back to town. That's probably because we have never been back without getting lost. But we are getting EXTREMELY good at getting lost. My mom always told me to do what I do best...
Love and Good Times to you all
Emily
My two days in London went by quickly. Vandon house is a short walk from Buckingham Palace, Westminster Abbey, St. James Park, and the nightlife of Victoria street. I didn't realize where any of these things were. I just sort of ran into them on a walk. I tip my hat to anyone who stands in awe of these places, especially Buckingham Palace. Unfortunately I'm not one of them. Buckingham Palace = Big square building woohoo.
It would have been alright if I could have tried on one of the guard's hats maybe, but I didnt think I wanted to look down the barrel of the police officer's gun to ask. Fortunately, St. James Park was right next to the palace and I had a nice little stroll through there. The best parts of the city are definately the parts that aren't on the map. The traffic signs offer loads of entertainment when you're least expecting it. During my shuttle ride I noticed a large "Slow Down NOW" - large emphasis on the giant now - sign that was neither behind nor followed by an actual speed. What the heck does that mean? Fortunately, pedestrians have it much easier. Even I could follow the painted "Look Left"s and "Look Right"s. Much more practical than whatever genius decided to build an ash tray into the door of the airplane bathrooms right underneath the no smoking signs.
All the kids on my program arrived with no worries. When we finally got to the school, it looked - historic I suppose would be a polite term for it :) But the insides of the buildings are nice, especially our dorm. My room is probably the same size as the German House rooms with the added bonus of a little window room on the side. We've been so many places this week. We visited a two castles and different towns. Yesterday - I saw the ocean WOOOHOOOO. I walked out with no shoes, but I'm pretty sure it was a little cold to be doing that. A guy on the program and I went down on these rocks on the coast to try and get a good picture and a wave came in and hit us from behind. Luckily the sun was out, so when we arrived back at school 4 hours later I was only slightly damp instead of dripping wet. We spent one day trying to get to know the town - which is actually quite large and sort of confusing. Emily Pim and I have been lost 3 times trying to come back to town. That's probably because we have never been back without getting lost. But we are getting EXTREMELY good at getting lost. My mom always told me to do what I do best...
Love and Good Times to you all
Emily
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
my sister is hilarious
My sister, Emily, left on Friday for a semester in Wales. She has this sarcastic way of writing that just makes you laugh, as you will soon read for yourself. The following is the e-mail she sent us after a couple of hours in London.
I'd like to give a reprieve to anyone who wants absolutely nothing to do with my goings-on while abroad through the madness that is mass emails. I know it wears the edges of a person's sanity from personal experience, but hey I sure as heck ain't gonna e-mail the same thing to this many people repeatedly. I'd like to tell you your message would be original, but I can't. Just know that you all hold a special place to me ... just like the others. (Better than copying and pasting over and over)
I arrived at my hotel without any major catastrophes, but being the walking disaster I am, I couldn't avoid the little ones. On the first part of my flight, I was searching in vain for a place for my carry on and im sure you can imagine the panic on my face. I know one lady did. She felt my pain so keenly she decided to inflict it on her husband. She wacked him on the top of the head with a rolled up newspaper and told him to get his *insert creative offensive word here - or if you work in a church camp, just think happy thoughts :P* out of the storage space so i could put my bag there. Trust me, no paper should make THAT kind of thwack.
In the terminal between flights, everything went smoothly until I happened to sit in the waiting area next to two ornery guys going overseas in the army. They took it upon themselves to threaten my chance at sleep for the next eight hours - i retaliated by threatening to throw at them what later revealed itself to be overcooked pasta. As luck would have it - they were in the same row as me ! Yikes! Instead of making good my threat, I carried on a 7 hour conversation with the lady next to me. When I got to heathrow, I put my baggage on one of the handy carts they had and was ready for anything. Well, anything except my wheel flying off, which it did and all of my luggage went flying. *look at the crazy girl on the floor woohoo*
Oddly, no one went through my luggage at customs. My passport was stamped and I got my luggage after and just went straight out. I kept thinking I had missed a spot and they would be running after me. Oh, well. On the ride over, I was the only one in the Hotelink bus and the man driving was very talkative. He wanted to know where in the states I was from and when I responded with "Missouri" He said oh yeah I know it - that's where the Ku Klux Klan is. How is the Klan these days..." WHAT? I assured him I didn't know any members personally nor had ever seen them, and he looked at me suspiciously and said I saw the pictures on the internet, they're there. It was sort of creepy. After that though he drove around a bit to show me some of the sights, which was nice of him and not unwelcome with the fare i payed to get to my hotel. It was a flat rate, so he wasn't trying to up his anty, but I didn't mind upping mine. We drove past Westminster and he said, "Oh, I have something to show you." and took a side street - actually i think all of the roads in London are side streets - to a building that had a long line of middle school and high school aged girls coming out of it. Apparently, today was the day of auditions for a new female role in Harry Potter. The line wrapped itself all the way around probably 40 blocks. Not just down them, it circled each one. It was insanity at its finest.
The rest of my day consisted of one activity - sleeping. I won't bore you with my dreams, feel free to insert one yourself if you must :) I'm off to explore now. We'll see how long that lasts.
My love and well wishes to you all
emily
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Subscribe To
Posts
All Comments