satisfactorily hungry

it's been one of those "phew" weekends, the feeling coming just after a week of doctor's visits, big deadlines, playing airport taxi, and being assistant mom to my friend's six kids while their dad is in peru. (i also had a flat tire due to the darn cold which i managed to change all by myself). it was one of those weeks where there were not enough hours in the day and the end of the day brought a tiredness so strong that sleep could not be avoided.

at first not having anything to do was driving me crazy as it's not often in life that i have just been able to relax, to rest, to just breathe. but then i realized i could pick up my guitar and just play without restriction of time. i discovered time for sitting on my porch, for reading the stack of books by my bed, for making random walks to the loop with my roommate (of course for fro yo). there's time for writing and for photos. time to reflect.

is it possible to be hungry for something and not know it until you start to feel some satisfaction or a little relief? i'm starting to think it is. it turns out this new church is hitting me in spots i had forgotten about. in places dry and withering. i thought i felt discontentment, but deeper than that, i was hungry for something. getting little pieces of it each week has only made me recognize that hunger. am i being satisfied? yes. but i still want more. and i hope that doesn't change. "satisfy me in the morning with your unfailing love" (Psalm 90:14). i want to be satisfied in way that leaves me wanting more so that the first thing i think of each day is to ask for more of His unfailing love.

i'm learning to love sundays again...